How do you know if your relationship is healthy? People often try and find out what is healthy based on what they experienced in their previous relationships. Consciously or not, they often determine health based on what they experienced when growing up in their family of origin. There are many indicators that would help show that your relationship is healthy and good for you. In this short article I will note five of these indicators. The list has far more than five, but for brevity I’ll list several that are really helpful for couples to measure whether or not the relationship is healthy.
1. You accept each other as human, and forgive often.
I have yet to work with an individual or couple that is perfect. I have worked with hundreds of couples over many years as a therapist and find that marriages, all marriages for that matter, are filled with occasional arguments, disagreements, and setbacks. It is absolutely imperative that each partner in the relationship remember that their partner is human and it’s important to forgive often; forgiving does not mean forgetting it means letting go of the hurt and the emotion associated with offense. If you’re able to get through the issues and move forward in the relationship, then your are on the path, keep it up.
2. Boundaries and communication with your spouse or partner.
It is absolutely imperative the both partners come to each other when there is a problem. If something is not working in the marriage or partnership, you are obligated as your spouse’s greatest protector, as their lover, to approach them with your thoughts and feelings. Healthy couples do not go and complain to their parents, coworkers, or their friends … instead they speak with their spouse about it and attempt to work through it in as best way possible.
3. You have a strong sense of worth and your own esteem.
You find that you were constantly obsessing or worried about what your partner is doing, or where they’re at, or what choices they are making them more than likely you have an issue with your own sense of self-esteem. When you’re in a healthy marriage or partnership, you will find that you are not spending time worrying about them. Is too short, spend your time enjoy each other and creating fantastic memories or you can connect and love deeply.
4. Decades from now, you should be able to picture yourself still together.
Relationships of convenience or relationships only intended for short time are typically not very healthy. If you cannot visualize and see yourself with the person that you are with currently then you’re probably not in the right relationship. What kind of things would you like to experience with this person, where would you like to go, I would you like to be … these are all questions that will come in your mind when you’re with an individual whom you were committed to and love and plan on being with four decade after decade.
5. You work on and change you; Let them change them.
You’ve heard the adage, you can only change yourself. I see countless couples who are often too busy blaming each other and not attempting, as best they can, to work on their own insecurities and weaknesses. If you think you can change or fix someone you’re absolutely wrong, I worked with couples some of them for months only to find one partner who’s not open to change but is focused on fixing the other. Remember, you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge and unless you’re willing to see and attempt to change yourself of your short comings, the marriage can’t and won’t get any better.
There are many more elements to what makes up a healthy strong relationship. I’ve listed five of the most significant ones that I see consistently and healthy and committed couples. If you found yourself reading this article and noticing that you don’t have these in your relationship, I recommend you seek counseling and support. Should you want to book an appointment feel free to call me at the number below.
Copyright: No part of this article in section or full may be reproduced without permission from the author Justin Stum, MS LMFT. The one and only exception is for educational purposes and only if the contact information below for the author is fully cited here in article. Justin Stum, MS LMFT, 640 E. 700 S., Suite 103, St. George Utah 84770, 435-574-9193, https://www.justinstum.com
